“We see that you’re not using Bill Pay, a feature that millions of our customers use but you do not. We’d like to know just who the fuck you think you are, what makes you so special, and what gives you the right to not use Bill Pay. Please select one of the following as your primary reason for not using this great, free service that makes it nigh-impossible to leave our bank, and then we’ll respond with an email detailing why your selection makes you a sissy fag and isn’t really a reason at all, because Bill Pay.Kindest Bill Pay Regards Bill Pay Bill Pay,
For those who don’t know, online bill pay is what banks refer to as a “sticky product,” along with things like online banking, your debit card, direct deposit, etc. They’re features that seem like they’re all upside for the consumer, except for the fact that they call them “sticky” because they make it really, really hard to leave their bank. Imagine if you had all of your bills running through their system, and then wanted to leave. It’s basically impossible to do without missing a payment, or overdrawing the account when you switch your money over but forget to turn off the automatic bill pay. Then it takes even longer to close an account, which is what they want.
It’s fine to use if you really value the convenience of having it all in one place, but just about every creditor and utility now has their own online payment options, or can set up the automatic debits on their end. I suggest you take advantage of that. Not only is it just as easy, you get fun emails like these from time to time.